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Hunka Love Bear – Bad Idea

February 9, 2012

As I watched the man on the street corner collect a donation from a generous motorist, I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel. Wonder what he’s gonna spend the money on. Maybe fast food? That’d be nice. Hope he’s gonna buy himself some Taco Bell. (I was in an optimistic mood.) Hmm, can’t wait to get home and make some dinner. Wonder what I should have? Tacos sound good. A voice on the radio interrupted my wandering thoughts.

“The Big Hunka Love Bear is the gift no girl can resist.” I reached over and turned up the volume. I was interested in something no girl could resist.

“Standing 4 ½ feet tall, he’s soft and cuddly.”

Oh horrors! was my first thought. Followed by, Oh dear, if this ad campaign works, there are going to be some VERY disappointed women when Valentine’s Day rolls around.

“You’d spend the same amount on flowers and candy,” the ad continued.

Flowers? Yes!

But girls like flowers and candy, I stared at the radio as if it could read my mind.

“But they’re gone in a few days. The Big Hunka Love Bear lasts forever.”

Precisely, it lasts forever, and now poor girls everywhere are going to be stuck with this monstrosity. I did a quick inventory of my house and tried to think where I’d put a ginormous bear. My imaginary tour led me to the only logical conclusion. I’d have to find a creative way to destroy him (the bear of course – not the boyfriend). Could I catch it on fire? They make stuffed animals so fire retardant these days; no doubt this would be a formidable task.

Normal size bears? Yes, acceptable gift.

“Only $99 dollars,”

Only $99 dollars? Are you kidding? You could buy her a piece of jewelry for that.

“And it comes with the Vermont lifetime guarantee.”

Ok, don’t listen to this man, I was screaming in my head. Men don’t know what women want. Women know what women want. Ask me; ask your sister; ask the toll booth lady. Just don’t listen to this moron. It was as if the man on the radio had messed up every Valentine’s Day in his own personal history and was now determined to bring his brothers down with him. The worst of it all was that he sounded so convincing. If I didn’t know better, I’d think that every girl in the world was hoping she too could receive the 4 ½ foot bear.

This bear is only 2 1/2 feet tall, and it's too big.

 A few years ago I completed a personality assessment for work, and the study suggested that I have a strong ability to influence people in a “diplomatic and poised manner.” (Unlike the guy on the radio who was using the desparation felt on and around Valentine’s Day to fool unsuspecting men.)  It also said I’m highly excited by what influences me – thus the overreaction to a simple advertisement.

You’d think I’d be aware of all the bad influencers out there since I’m an “Influencer,” but the study also made this uncomfortable evaluation: “She tends to trust people indiscriminately if positively reinforced by those people.”

Uh oh! That part sounded dangerously close to “bad judgment.” I started thinking about the truth of the statement. Do I really let people who flatter me sway my decisions? Influence is a powerful tool, and the Bible warns about who we should allow as a guiding presence in our lives.

Proverbs 13:20 “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.”

Candy? Win, win - she'll probably share with you.

Use great care in choosing with whom you want to closely associate because those people will have an effect on your life choices.

 And this brings us to the final question of the day. I know you all want to have a fantastic Valentine’s Day this year. So do you choose to trust me and the several women I asked about whether or not they’d like to receive the Hunka Love Bear? If so, I’m offering you some advice. Unless the girl you are trying to impress is 12, please pass on the gigantic bear idea.

I really love flowers.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. February 9, 2012 8:42 pm

    So true- I love diamonds, bags, shoes, flowers, and chocolate, but never in a million would I think of loving a stuffed bear 4 1/2 feet tall!

  2. February 10, 2012 11:46 am

    LOL! SO true, Laura!! I thought the same when I heard that demented commercial. Then I laughed thinking about you and me trying to pawn off the non-destroyable creature: Maybe give it to my neighbor? No, her mom will hate me forever. How about the church nursery? We’d have to sneak it in so nobody knows who made the contribution. Then we’d resort to leaving it on our driveway with a big sign that said, “Free!!!” Thankfully, we are probably not at risk this year, so thankfully we don’t have to deal with it!! Love you! 🙂

    • Steve Skinner permalink
      February 10, 2012 3:26 pm

      I saw a lady trying to get a stuffed animal out of a claw machine yesterday at Wal-Mart. She was getting it for HER DOG! She said her dog would be mad at her if she came home without a present for him. I told her she could actually get a stuffed animal for a lot cheaper in the toy section of the very building we were in! But I digress: if anyone gives you the “Big Hunka Love Bear” for Valentine’s Day this year, just wait by the claw machine at the Wal-Mart in Altoona, Iowa until a lady comes by to win her dog a toy. Hopefully SHE will take it off your hands! (and maybe accidentally suffocate her dog underneath it so she can get a real life).

      • February 10, 2012 4:45 pm

        You’re killing me, Steve! Poor lady; she didn’t get much sympathy from you.

    • February 10, 2012 4:43 pm

      Yes, if I get the Hunka Love Bear this year, I either have a friend who has way too much money to spend on gag gifts or a “friend” who doesn’t read my blog. By writing this blog and ignoring “It’s the thought that counts” concept, I probably have aced myself out of any sort of V-Day gift.

      You and I could find a way to get rid of the bear. The trick is doing it in a way that makes it look accidental. 😉

      Loved reading your comment. Made me laugh!

  3. emtgirl permalink
    February 11, 2012 7:34 pm

    Too funny Laura! We were at Walmart about a month ago and they had a display of VERY large teddy bears. Nathan ran over to them and said “These are really BIG bears!” He has a Valentine bear that he has always called Big Bear. He was impressed, but I don’t know where he would put a huge bear either. I do love bears but not so much for Valentine’s anymore. My hubby is a good gift giver!

    • February 11, 2012 10:10 pm

      I think all kids love big bears. Unfortunately, as we get older, we get more practical and we also know what else $100 could buy.

      I’m hoping I didn’t offend anyone who thinks it would be really cool to get a giant bear. I should have put a disclaimer that this was just my opinion.

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